The South Dakota Sports Scene

As some of you may may know, we at "Off The Baggie" have not always called the lovely confines of Georgia home. No, in fact, we originally hail from a far off land. A land of cowboys and sunday rodeos, drunken slow pitch softball and 3.2 beer, hot farm girls and county police who drink beer while on duty.

No, this land we speak of is not heaven. It is, in fact, South Dakota, which was we believe was originally settled by german fur traders who got lost on their way to Canada. It doesn't take a genius to realize that "South Dakota" is a German translation of "Hans stop wandering around in only your beaver thong".

What, you may be asking yourself, has South Dakota ever contributed to the world of sports? Well, punch yourself in the face dummy... Seriously.... Do it... Memphis 6th Man Mike Miller comes from this great state, and none other than Adam Vinatieri, the greatest kicker ever, was born and raised in Rapid City and kicked collegiately for our beloved South Dakota State University Jackrabbits...

Anyway, we have once again traveled to the place of our birth, and in the spirit of such great traveling journalists as Kerouac, we are offering this list of sporting events we hope to see as we spend our next 2 weeks visiting the motherland:

Low Rent Country Rodeo- Nothing screams "America Rules" like old drunk cowboys trying to ride a Saddle Bronc with a can of Busch Light is their hands and a Marlboro Red hanging from their lips. These are also the people that brought us the wonderful event known as "Bull Poker"...

9 man Football- This one's impossible since its not football season, but we miss it still. This is like the Arena league if they played on crappy turf 80 yards long with a snow blower pointed into their faces. South Dakota has a mercy rule that states if one team is up my 35 at the half, the game is over...

Dirt Bike Hill Climb- Once again, drunk people are obviously a big part of this event. Imagine trying to ride a motorcyle straight up a 80 degree slope. Add the booze to the equation and its just good clean family fun...

All Night Softball Tournament- These are probably the most fun any man should ever have. Known as "The Night Owl" in my home town, most of us just took it as an opportunity to stay up all night drinking and attempting to sleep with women way out of our league. When I was a junior in high school, I once woke up wearing only my underwear in the middle of a wheat field after one of these...

Independent League Baseball- Sioux Falls South Dakota, home of the Sioux Falls Canaries, arguably the wimpiest named team in organized baseball. We really don't have any jokes for this one, we just love the hell out of minor league baseball...

Golf Tournament Organized by the Local Bar- In case you haven't guessed, alchohol plays a big part in the lives of the citizenry of South Dakota. Combine this with a dusty, flat, local golf course, and you have an event custom made for ESPN2. It's nothing to have at least 3 people get hit by golf balls and another 3 injured in cart related accidents...

Do Not Look Directly at the Joe Mauer

In light of his recent performances (4 for 5 on Monday, 5 for 5 on Tuesday) "Off The Baggie" thought we would take a little time today to sing sweet songs of praise about Joe Mauer and our beloved Twins. This despite the fact that early on this season the Twins dashed our hopeful spirits, leading us to sing most of our Twins related songs to the tune of "The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald".

But, alas, the sun has shone on the gigantic hefty bag that inspired this very blog (which is a feat unto itself, considering said baggie is inside a dome) and the Twins have began a resurgence of sorts. Weilding their bats as though they were snow shovels in Duluth in January, players such as Justin Morneau, Jason Bartlett, and, yes, even Luis Castillo, have begun scoring runs, something that hasn't happened in the Hubert H. Humphrey Metrodome since, well, Hubert H. Humphrey was a relevant politician. And, despite a perceived Cardinals bias, the Twins have even been mentioned on Deadspin a few times lately.

And, to steal a line from Hugh Gallagher, "Using only a hoe and a large glass of water, Joe Mauer once single-handedly defended a small village in the Amazon Basin from a horde of ferocious army ants.".

Okay, so maybe we made that last paragraph up...

However, in all seriousness, despite leading the league with a .389 average, Joe is still mired in 3rd place on the All-Star Ballot behind Jason Varitek (.250) and Pudge Rodriguez (.298). A fact not missed by BatGirl (Click on the cool picture of Chairman Mauer).

We need you help people... For a mere 6 mouse clicks, you too can sponsor a Twins Catcher... Think of the children people... THE CHILDREN!!!

Joe Mauer and Some Pitcher Guy

Lets go to work here..

7:49- First things first here today. I need to throw a big man-hug out to the guys at Deadspin for the mention on the site today. And, judging by the comments on their site, most of us will be rooting against the Astros tonight. Good times...

7:57- Countdown to Clemens...3...2...1... By the way, I think Jeff Brantley took a bong hit right before he went on the air....

8:01- Its gonna be hard for Joe Morgan to call this game with his head buried somewhere around Clemens' colon...

8:05- The damn game hasn't even started yet and we've already had 2 Clemens montage's. I could easily drink Draino tonight...

8:10- Way to go Roger!!! Nothing like picking up an error on the first batter.

8:16- Joe Mauer just struck out... I need a moment... Ok, now we get to see the good pitcher of the night, Francisco Liriano...

8:21- Liriano only threw 7 pitches that inning... Oh, and I just put a hit out on that Shugs guy that posted the comment below... I poisoned his Boost...

8:26- Why the hell does that fat guy behind home plate have binoculars around his neck? You're 6 feet from the field tubby, you can smell Brad Ausmus at this point...

8:31- Dude, you just walked a guy named Terry Tiffee... I don't even need to make a joke on this one...

8:40- The Twins traded A.J Pierzynsky to the Giants for Liriano, Joe Nathan, Boof Bonser and some of Moises Alou's special hand cream... Okay, so I made that last part up...

8:46- Liriano almost winged his bat into the stands. Somewhere, Keith Olbermann's mom hid under her bed... Oh, and its 1-0 Twins on an RBI hit by Jason Kubel that almost hit the space station...

8:55- OK, I have to say it... Joe Morgan is the announcing equivalent of a wet toilet seat...

9:00- Uh-oh. Mound visit. "We need a live chicken to take the curse off Bagwells glove, and nobody seems to know what to get Ozzie and Jay for their wedding"...

9:03- Torii Hunter is now 0-334 (I think) against Clemens. I can picture him in the clubhouse before the game acting like Cerrano from "Major League" with a snake and asking Joe Mauer to bring him a live chicken...

9:10- Good catch by AwfulAnnouncing: "Good recieving of the ball there by Ausmus"... Listening to Joe Morgan is like pulling your own nose hair... Sooner or later, its gonna make you cry...

9:17- I'm pretty sure this is fake, but Johan Santana has a Myspace page... Here's his About Me paragraph:

• "Hi, my name is Johan Santana. I am a pitcher for the Minnesota Twins. I didn't always play for the Twins though. I was signed by Houston Astros then Twins drafted me from the minor league and gave me a chance to pitch. Last year I won the Cy Young award. They give that award out to the very best pitchers every year and last year I guess I was a very good pitcher."

9:19- "When your strengths show up, you go on a winning streak, when your weaknesses show up, you go on a losing streak"... Wow Joe's smart... I'd love to see Joe Buck hit him in the face with a shovel...

9:22- This has nothing to do with sports, but apparently the Governor of Minnesota enjoys the Myspace as well. I don't think having a young man with no shirt on in your friends list is a good political decision... Just a hunch...

9:30- "Obviously Brad Ausmus is just trying to give him a little blow here"... And it wasn't even Joe... I'm absolutely speechless...

9:31- Roger just went over 100 pitches... Meanwhile, Liriano's thrown 42... "The Home" just called Roger. you need to be back by 6 AM for breakfast...

9:40- Who woke up Luis Castillo? Can they do the same thing to Rondell White?

9:43- Justin Morneau just demolished a pitch... And Joe Morgan immediately brought up Kent Hrbek... Or as I call him, Ron Gant's best friend... 3-0 Twins in the 6th...

9:50- Great comment on Deadspin: "Do these guys realize that this "retirement" is only slightly longer than his previous one? Carl Pavano has been out of action longer than ROger Clemens."... This is why we love that website...

9:55- Since Roger has been relegated to the post-game spread now, we're gonna take this opportunity to ask... Is Mrs. Clemens hammered??

9:55- Francisco Liriano is the best young pitcher in the league, bar none. He just threw 18 consecutive strikes. Bert Blyleven is sporting wood right now, I guarantee it...

10:00- Is it wrong of me to hope for a monumental collapse from the Tigers? Or for Ozzie Guillen to insult everyone so he gets suspended for the season and the White Sox die a slow death? I'm just asking...

10:02- To answer the question by AwfulAnnouncing below, it's happened at least once, including Derek lowe's no hitter. He gave up one walk, who was doubled off... I think its happened a few other times as well...

10:07- This has really turned into the Liriano show now. Joe Morgan is giving him a verbal blow-job that could teach Jenna Jameson something... And I don't wanna say Craig Biggio is old, but his first hit-by-pitch was from Old Hoss Radbourn...

10:16- My buddy Carl just called me and brought up an interesting point. Kerry Wood struck out 20 batters the first time he faced the Astros. This may not bode well for Liriano... Lets hope he never plays for Dusty Baker... Carl also informed me that Alexi Lalas was on "The Colbert Report" last night. What, was Julie Fowdy already booked???

10:19- Justin Morneau is now a triple away from the cycle...

10:25- You know the Orioles are bad when Miguel Cabrera stretches to get a hit during an intentional walk... That may be the best in game update ever... Wow, you know I'm tired when I accidentally type Orlando Cabrera...

10:28- Jason Lane just made this interesting... 4-2 Twins in the 8th... I gotta smoke...

10:38- Oh happy day... Lew Ford is pinch hitting... Thats gotta be one of the best names in baseball...

10:40- Great graphic on the Liriano-Nathan trade... So technically I can credit A.J. Pierzynski and the Giants GM with this win if they hold on... And we all know how "The Baggie" feels about A.J....

10:50- Joe Nathan looks really good tonight... One out away from the win...

10:53- Nathan gets the last Astro, and I'm officially out of gas. I'll take the 4-2 win, especially with Liriano's performance tonight. If you read this whole thing, thanks for looking. Big love to AwfulAnnouncing, Shugs, and Bdoc for the comments all night...

Peace my People...

Off The Tent

In the annals of golf history there have been some wonderful nicknames. Jack "The Golden Bear" Nicklaus, Craig "The Walrus" Stadler, Sam "The King of Swing" Snead, Ernie "The Big Easy" Els, and Byron "Lord Byron" Nelson are a few of the better ones to date. But, that being said, Phil Mickelson may possess the single greatest nickname ever in the history of sports, and we don't mean "Lefty".

A casual acquaintance of "Off The Baggie" was a volunteer at this years Masters, and offered us this tiny tidbit on Phil:

"During the tournament, the other players kept calling him FIGJAM all week, and when I asked what it stood for, one of them told me it stood for 'Fuck I'm Good Just Ask Me.'"

So, after a little research on the topic, it's become obvious that this is how the rest of the players view one of the most popular golfers among fans. We can only assume that in the above picture Geoff Ogilvy is telling him "See FIGJAM, this hole is much easier when you don't hit that tent over there."

After his performance on sunday, however, FIGJAM could stand for "Fairly Idiotic Golfer Just Absolutely Melted".

Maybe his man boobs got in the way of his swing, but when he hit that second shot into the tree on 18, we suspect that a silent cheer went up among PGA professionals everywhere. Johnny Miller summed it up best when he said "Ben Hogan is rolling over in his grave right now".

And 15 minutes earlier Colin Montgomery did his best "Greg Norman at the 96 Masters" impression, thereby putting the two biggest man-racks in golf into a tie for 2nd place. Somewhere, Meatloaf's character from "Fight Club" is crying right now...

The Unwritten Rules of Baseball

Memo for All Clubs

From the Office of the Commissioner

Due to recent "infractions" (*cough* Lastings *cough*) we at the league office have finally taken it upon ourselves to write down the "unwritten" rules of baseball. Mind you all, this information is very secret, even more so than the final season of "The sopranos", and should be protected by any means necessary. In the event that you are compromised by a foreign intelligence service, fringe elements of Al-Qaida, the writers of "Game of Shadow's", of even a grand jury, we suggest the employment of extensive counterinterogation techniques. Such techniques include lying, crying, or yelling "look over there" while you run the other way.

The rules are as follows:

1. You do not talk about the unwritten rules of baseball.

2. No player shall bunt in the ninth inning to break up a no-hitter. Unless the pitcher is David Wells, in which case bunting is, in fact, expected and condoned.

3. If the opposing pitcher hits a team member multiple times, you are expected to respond in kind. Unless umpires are watching, in which case you should completely forget about those two dangly things between your legs and act like nothing happened. God help you if Ozzie Guillen is involved.

4. After hitting your first career home run, you are expected to trot nonchalantly back to the dugout, and, in kind, back to your position after your team bats. Once you have been in the league for 5 years, alienated most of your teams fans, requested multiple trades, and phoned it in the playoffs, you will then be allowed to celebrate a home run. Never before.

5. The fans are the enemy. Never should you act as thought they are even part of the reason you play the game.

6. Never insinuate that your quarterback is gay... Wait, that's an unwritten football rule...

7. Never bum a cigarette from your manager. (This shall be known as the "Jim Rule")

8. If a fan rushes the field, all players are granted a "get out of jail free" card for any response, and, in no case, should the bat boy make the save.

9. While on the charter flight home, if you are playing Texas Hold 'Em, never bet to an inside straight. If playing Blackjack, never hit on an 18.

10. Betting on baseball is a despicable act, often committed by pedophiles and terrorists. Any commission of said act is arguably the worst offense in baseball. Far worse than using steroids or being arrested for drugs 7 times.

11. Never use HGH.

12. When your latest shipment of HGH is arriving, always check the bushes for federal agents.

13. The growth of your head by 4 inches is normal once you reach the age of 35.

14. All-Stars shall be decided by fan vote. This is obviously the best way we can decide who deserves to play in the All-Star game and will in no way be a popularity contest. Statistics, impact and value to team will have no bearing on voting.

15. There is no crying baseball, especially if you are very old and have desperately little bodily fluids to begin with.

Any infractions of the above listed rules will be dealt with using the "Unwritten Rules of Punishment", previously known as the MLB steroid policy.

Sincerely,

Bud "The Comish" Selig

10 People From Sports We'd Like To Kick In The Stuff

While watching the Indians-White Sox last night, a stark realization filled casa-de-baggie...

We really hate Joe Morgan. And, apparently, we're not the only ones...

But that made us think, who else do we hate? And not only that, but which people in sports do we dislike with such a fiery passion that we would kick them in that unholy place if given the chance?

So, we came up with this list:

10. Bud Selig- How fucking dumb was that contraction idea, especially when you just happen to ignore the fact that the team you used to own has been one of the worst in baseball over the past decade...

9. Steve Phillips- Let me get this straight, the Mets fire you beacause you suck, yet ESPN expects us to believe everything you have to say about trades and stuff... And who sez ESPN's not smart...

8. Skip Bayless- I'm not sure which is funnnier, the fact that he actually believes what he writes, or that he seems to go to the same plastic surgeon as Jerry Jones...

7. Manny Ramirez- Every time the guy hits a homer and admires it for approximately 16 minutes, I get the sense that Ted Williams' frozen head is shedding a tear...

6. Cindy Brunson- Granted, we can't really kick her in the stuff, but if we hear that stupid home run catchphrase "It's just a little crush" one more time, she's catching one on the ovaries...

5. Steven A. Smith- Would someone please tell this bastard that the little thingy clipped to his tie is a microphone, and, much to his surprise, he doesn't need to yell. And while you're at it, tell him that that stupid show "Quite Frankly" has single handedly set the sports world back 15 years...

4. Curt Schilling- If I ever need advice on how to disassemble a 1978 Chevy Vega, I'm sure this ass would have some to give.

3. A.J. Peirzynski- As good catholics here at "Off The Baggie", a picture of Pope John Paul usually hangs in our home. We say usually because for a few days last month we replaced it with a picture of Michael Barrett...

2. Colin Cowherd- Is anyone noticing an anti-ESPN bias on this list? This guy is so in love with his own voice, he spends 3 hours every day saying the exact same thing. And, to make himself feel better, he only allows callers that agree with him so as to try to seem like he actually knows something. Oh, and that "Spanning the Globe" shit that he just started doing on SportsCenter just proves that he looks as dumb as he sounds...

1. Eric Kuselias- There's plenty of angry rhetoric we could spew about Kuselias, but the guy over at "Words Words Words" seems to sum it up best. But, in gutlessly thrashing Deadspin on your show last week, you angered "The Baggie". Not only have the fine folks at Deadspin given us a little love, but even if they were wrong about the whole Grimsley thing, we'd still take them and a colonoscopy over listening to you anyday...

A Sweet Sonnet to Eugene Robinson

There are many things that irritate us here at "Off The Baggie". Screaming children in a movie theater, people driving slow in the left lane, carnival workers and Art Modell are just a few that come to mind. But, there is one thing that we hold well above all the rest when it comes to irritation...

Stupid Athletes...

Now, this is not an educational thing. We're not the kind of people who advocate the minimization of a group of people based on their intellectual shortcomings. However, it's when you do something that, while seemingly normal to you, causes anyone who classifies themselves as a regular citizen to stop and go "Dumbass" under their breath that you are viewed as a "Stupid Athlete".

As a public service anouncement for all of MLB, NFL, and NBA Draftees (You're dead to us now NHL) here is the "Off The Baggie" list of egregious mistakes made by unwittingly stupid athletes.

Overcelebrating a routine play - In my non-Baggie life, I am a consultant. Upon providing consultation, I do not gesticulate about in an epileptic fashion as if to mimic the first movements of a newborn giraffe. Why, you might ask, do I not? Because it is my job, and, in completing an expected portion of my job, I have very little cause for celebration. This applies to every defensive player and wide reciever in the NFL, everyone except for Jason Kidd in the NBA, and Manny Ramirez...

Referring to yourself in the third person - We all know your name, so you can stop reminding us now. And, even if we should forget, ESPN usually has it prominently displayed in a catchy graphic across the bottom of the screen...

Thanking God - While we would never impugn the religious beliefs of any athlete, or person for that matter, there are some nagging questions that arise when this is done. First, do you really think God cared more about the Twins-Royals series than he does about, say, the crisis in Darfur? Did he stop fighting the forces of evil just so he could help Kobe sink that jumper? And secondly, if you have 6 children with 4 women, none of whom you're married too, and were recently arrested trying to smuggle some pot through customs by hiding it in your butt, I'm pretty sure God is laughing at you every time you pray anyway...

Trying to become an actor/actress/rapper/record producer - There's a reason that you left Central Ohio State after your sophmore season to go pro, and that's because it was obvious that one of the only talents you were graced with was your athleticism. At no point should you think you suddenly became a good actor, smooth rhymer, or exemplary business professional overnight. Just keep sinking the jumper or stroking the long ball, and leave the actual thinking to the people whose lunch money you stole in juior high...

Forgetting that you are payed millions to play a game - If at any point you refer to yourself as a soldier, yell at fans for asking for autographs, or claim "I'm just trying to feed my family", you have officially lost touch with reality. At this point you seem to have forgotten that you are paid a seven to eight figure salary for providing absolutely nothing to society save for a few hours of entertainment a week. Essentially, you fall into the same category as masturbation... Only more expensive...

Being a hypocrite - This should essentially be called "Throwing a Eugene" in honor of Eugene Robinson, but we'd hate to pigeon-hole the guy that way (Although he may pay extra for that)...

And, as such, we are off to watch the World Cup... Because none of these things happen in soccer... Right?

Yet Another Reason to Listen to Peter Gammons

Apparently, the smartest man in the universe, Peter Gammons, has been drinking from the Joe Mauer Kool-Aid that we serve here at "Off the Baggie". Well, drink deep dear Peter, drink deep.

In the preview of an article written for the ESPN Insider, Gammons extols the virtue of young Joseph:

"Remember how the Twins were ridiculed in 2001 for taking Joe Mauer with the first pick instead of Mark Prior? Five years later, try to see if the Twins will make that trade, as despite a knee injury and the eventual possibility of a move to third base, Mauer is a rising star, while Prior has suffered from the modern pitcher's real world of inexplicable injuries. And since making his Cubs debut on May 22, 2002, Prior is 60th in the majors in wins with 41."

While we would post the rest of the article here for your Mauer related reading pleasure, "Off the Baggie" has yet to secure any form of corporate sponsorship, so at this point, we're to cheap to pay for the Insider subscription. However, one can only assume that remaining Mauer related portions of the article is written in in a fashion similar the hushed, reverent tones often reserved for the veneration of Saints at the Vatican.

Let there be no confusion, Joe Mauer is the Baseball Jesus, while Mark Prior is obviously the unresurrected corpse of Lazarus. Hey, Peter Gammons said so, so that makes it true...

Anyway, here's the article, for those of you who happen to have $3.99 a month just laying around...

If The Twins Don't Want You, You Must Really Suck...

While it is obvious that there are certain former Twins who seem to have blossomed since they left the friendly confines of the Hubert H. Humphrey Metrodome (Okay, we admit it, Big Papi is really good...sheez), there remains a plethora of one time Twins who seem to be having rough go of it lately.

As so eloquently shown above, one such Twin, former catcher A.J. Pierzynski, was not only on the receiving end of a Michael Barrett love-knuckle recently, he managed to look like a complete douche while doing it. (He looks so much like Bill Engvall, I keep expecting him to do one of those stupid "Here's Your Sign" routines the next time he hits a home run) And, to make matters worse for A.J., the next day Tim Kurkjian referred to him as "the most irritating man in baseball". Now, its one thing to get owned by a Cubs catcher, it's a whole other thing to get dissed by Timmy K.

And he's just one of many:

Jacque Jones- How's that signing working out for you Chicago? Which makes you more uncomfortable, his spastic fielding or that stupid look he always has on his face?

Matt LeCroy- As documented right here, he made Frank Robinson get weepy, and he appears to be taking throw-out lessons from Mackey Sasser.

Doug Mientkiewicz- He plays for the fucking Royals. We don't need to pick on this guy anymore.

Rick Aguilera- 3 Hall of Fame votes Ricky? That was one less than John Wetteland...

Bert Blyleven- Although he did get slightly more HOF votes than Ricky (277 to 3...) his recent broadcasting antics have relegated him to the same scrap heap as Rick Sutcliffe and Joe Namath. Although, in his defense, doesn't every dude on "American Idol" get lucky with Paula Abdul?

Paris Verba?? That Doesn't Sound Right...

I'm sure many of you in Packer Nation look back on the late '90's with a certain wisp of nostalgia (I know I sure do), remembering the glory days of such intrepid individuals as Robert Brooks, Jim Flannigan, Dorsey Levens, and, our personal favorite, Mark "Thought It Was Consensual" Chmura. But, who can forget the '97 draft and the selection of Hall Of Famer Ross Verba... Wait, he didn't make the hall of fame??? Well I'm sure he's goin... Whats that??? Oh, he wasn't in the league last year... Well I'm sure he spent the time training... Really?? With Paris Hilton?? Ewww...

Anyway, now that his days of requiring regular penicillin shots are behind him, the Detroit Lions and their very own Isaiah, Matt Millen, have given him a contract worth a potential $20 Million...

Allow us to show ways that money would be better spent

1. Buying 26 Million chocolate pudding Snack Packs...
2. Buying Charles Rogers out of his existing contract.... Twice
3. Resodding Vermont...
4. Getting 3/4 of a season of shoddy fielding and clutch situation choking from Greg Louganis' Boyfriend...

Big love to the folks at Deadspin for their hard hitting background reporting on this one...

This Is Just Too Easy

Anyone else see an eery resemblence between A-Rod and Greg Louganis? No?

If these two were to get into a fight, it may rank as the most heated "slap-fight" of all time...

Would it be considered domestic violence???

Somehow, I see A-Rod as the "wife" in this relationship...

Take That Isaiah!!!

Allow me to describe this with a line from the immortal Dr. Peter Venkman: "Human sacrifice, dogs and cats living together - mass hysteria"...

Alas, the point of my thesis would be this...

The Sacramento Kings today hired Eric Musselman as their head coach, thereby increasing the number of former Rapid City Thrillers coaches in the NBA to 1. Bravo Sacramento, Bravo...

For those you who do not hail from the Great White North and are unwise to our ways, the Rapid City Thrillers were a moderately successful CBA team in the early and mid 90's. But, tragically, the glory that was the Thrillers would not even live to see the ruin of the once proud league by the human ebola virus that is Isaiah Thomas. After the '94-'95 season, they were moved to Florida (which, ironically, is where they were originally located) and were unceremoniously renamed the "Beach Dogs"...

All this involving a team that was originally named for a Michael Jackson song...

Update: In all my excitement, and blind hatred for the man, I forgot that Flip Saunders coached the Thrillers in the late '80's. Big thanks to Cary at Get Crunk with Jesus...

KAZAAM II: Return of The White Chocolate

While we here at "Off The Baggie" can hardly be categorized as basketball fans, nothing causes us to jump on a bandwagon faster than a potential Flip Saunders playoff debacle. Lest we forget that in the Flipsters 10 seasons as the skipper of our somewhat beloved T-Wolves, he only made it out of the first round of the playoffs once. This while having Kevin Garnett, Latrell Spewell, and Sam Cassell on the floor. I could have coached that team to a playoff win, and I honestly have no idea what a zone defense is.

But we digress...

In turning on the TV here in Casa De Baggie, I was greeted by the curious sight of a small, tatooed white man in black leggings proceeding to cut apart the Pistons. Yes people, let the celebrations commence, White Chocolate has returned. And then, as though it were manna from the heavens, the always articulate one proceeded to give a halftime interview with a towel on his head. He has to know he's white, doesn't he? Honestly, could he be that dumb? Oh, he could... Our bad... Much props our honkey homie...