Monday, December 04, 2006

End of Season College Football Awards

The Metamucil Not-So Coach of the Year Award- Last year at this time we were singing glorious songs of praise to Bobby Bowden and Joe Paterno and the coaching jobs they had both done. This year JoePa was carted off the field on a stretcher during one game and most likely shit himself during another. All this while Bowden was firing his son and cussing about the Ebay.

Most Surprising Team to Actually Finish in the Top 10- Wisconsin. Say what you will about Rutgers and their run, but how the hell did Brett Bielema and the Wisconsin Badgers make it to Bowl Selection as the #7 BCS team? Not playing Ohio State helps a little, and playing Northwestern and Buffalo late in the season helps a lot, but kudos to Bielema and the job he's done in his first season.

Team That Played the Entire Season Like They Were Hung Over- Iowa. How the hell do you go from preseason top 10 to losing to Indiana. Jesus Christ, it was Indiana. By week 6, the Drew Tate bandwagon had officially careened off a bridge and lodged itself in the sediment of the Sioux River.

Team That Waited Entirely Too Long to Fire Their Coach- North Carolina. Most would give Miami this one, but Larry Coker was just the Captain of a ship with a bad case of dry rot, and sonner or later it was going to sink. No, John Bunting was terrible for way too long. Long enough for people to assume that Butch Davis would be an upgrade.

Greatest Thing to Happen All Year- In the opening week of the season, 1-AA Montana State beat Colorado 19-10 on their own field. Montana State then proceeded to lose to Chadron State, UC Davis, and the powerhouse that is Eastern Washington. So though 4 weeks of the season, the only win that a 1-AA school had was against a program that has won a National Title in the past 20 years. God I love small school football.

Whiniest Conference in the Nation- Is it a rule that all of the SEC has to be ass-hats? Urban Meyer was admirable at Utah, but has become almost intolerable with his lobbying at Florida. This on top of the Governor of Louisiana calling Bowls to lobby for LSU. Phil Fulmer and Steve Spurrier were as annoying as always, and Tommy Tuberville (rightly so) still hasn't recovered from getting stiffed for the National Championship a few years ago. It's sad when Mark Richt is the voice of reason for your conference.

Hype Machine By-Product of the Year- Tie. Notre Dame and Brady Quinn of Notre Dame. Notre Dame is maybe the 10th best team in the Nation, yet all season long Charlie Weis cried about not getting enough Championship game discussion and then they get a BCS Bowl. Almost as bad was the constant verbal felatio doled out to Brady "My Sister Bangs AJ Hawk" Quinn, who may not even be among the 5 best quarterbacks in college football, let alone the Heisman winner.

Quarterback Who Would Win The Heisman Had He Played in a Major Conference- Hawaii's Colt Brennan. I can hear you screaming it now. "He Never Played a Good Team!!". What were we thinking? A small conference quarterback could never be any good. Just look at those Roethlisberger and Pennington guys, they really suck ass. Shut up and pay attention. In 13 games this season, Brennan has thrown 53 touchdown passes and only 11 interceptions. Small conference or not, that's a stellar fucking season.

The OhMyGodDidYouSeeThat Award- Derek Kinder, Pitt, on Darell Revis' amazing punt return. When Kinder obliterated 2 West Virginia players on one block, it likely generated approximately 200,000 phone calls, all of which went something like this... "HOLY SHIT DID YOU SEE THAT BLOCK".