Joe Mauer and Some Pitcher Guy

Lets go to work here..

7:49- First things first here today. I need to throw a big man-hug out to the guys at Deadspin for the mention on the site today. And, judging by the comments on their site, most of us will be rooting against the Astros tonight. Good times...

7:57- Countdown to Clemens...3...2...1... By the way, I think Jeff Brantley took a bong hit right before he went on the air....

8:01- Its gonna be hard for Joe Morgan to call this game with his head buried somewhere around Clemens' colon...

8:05- The damn game hasn't even started yet and we've already had 2 Clemens montage's. I could easily drink Draino tonight...

8:10- Way to go Roger!!! Nothing like picking up an error on the first batter.

8:16- Joe Mauer just struck out... I need a moment... Ok, now we get to see the good pitcher of the night, Francisco Liriano...

8:21- Liriano only threw 7 pitches that inning... Oh, and I just put a hit out on that Shugs guy that posted the comment below... I poisoned his Boost...

8:26- Why the hell does that fat guy behind home plate have binoculars around his neck? You're 6 feet from the field tubby, you can smell Brad Ausmus at this point...

8:31- Dude, you just walked a guy named Terry Tiffee... I don't even need to make a joke on this one...

8:40- The Twins traded A.J Pierzynsky to the Giants for Liriano, Joe Nathan, Boof Bonser and some of Moises Alou's special hand cream... Okay, so I made that last part up...

8:46- Liriano almost winged his bat into the stands. Somewhere, Keith Olbermann's mom hid under her bed... Oh, and its 1-0 Twins on an RBI hit by Jason Kubel that almost hit the space station...

8:55- OK, I have to say it... Joe Morgan is the announcing equivalent of a wet toilet seat...

9:00- Uh-oh. Mound visit. "We need a live chicken to take the curse off Bagwells glove, and nobody seems to know what to get Ozzie and Jay for their wedding"...

9:03- Torii Hunter is now 0-334 (I think) against Clemens. I can picture him in the clubhouse before the game acting like Cerrano from "Major League" with a snake and asking Joe Mauer to bring him a live chicken...

9:10- Good catch by AwfulAnnouncing: "Good recieving of the ball there by Ausmus"... Listening to Joe Morgan is like pulling your own nose hair... Sooner or later, its gonna make you cry...

9:17- I'm pretty sure this is fake, but Johan Santana has a Myspace page... Here's his About Me paragraph:

• "Hi, my name is Johan Santana. I am a pitcher for the Minnesota Twins. I didn't always play for the Twins though. I was signed by Houston Astros then Twins drafted me from the minor league and gave me a chance to pitch. Last year I won the Cy Young award. They give that award out to the very best pitchers every year and last year I guess I was a very good pitcher."

9:19- "When your strengths show up, you go on a winning streak, when your weaknesses show up, you go on a losing streak"... Wow Joe's smart... I'd love to see Joe Buck hit him in the face with a shovel...

9:22- This has nothing to do with sports, but apparently the Governor of Minnesota enjoys the Myspace as well. I don't think having a young man with no shirt on in your friends list is a good political decision... Just a hunch...

9:30- "Obviously Brad Ausmus is just trying to give him a little blow here"... And it wasn't even Joe... I'm absolutely speechless...

9:31- Roger just went over 100 pitches... Meanwhile, Liriano's thrown 42... "The Home" just called Roger. you need to be back by 6 AM for breakfast...

9:40- Who woke up Luis Castillo? Can they do the same thing to Rondell White?

9:43- Justin Morneau just demolished a pitch... And Joe Morgan immediately brought up Kent Hrbek... Or as I call him, Ron Gant's best friend... 3-0 Twins in the 6th...

9:50- Great comment on Deadspin: "Do these guys realize that this "retirement" is only slightly longer than his previous one? Carl Pavano has been out of action longer than ROger Clemens."... This is why we love that website...

9:55- Since Roger has been relegated to the post-game spread now, we're gonna take this opportunity to ask... Is Mrs. Clemens hammered??

9:55- Francisco Liriano is the best young pitcher in the league, bar none. He just threw 18 consecutive strikes. Bert Blyleven is sporting wood right now, I guarantee it...

10:00- Is it wrong of me to hope for a monumental collapse from the Tigers? Or for Ozzie Guillen to insult everyone so he gets suspended for the season and the White Sox die a slow death? I'm just asking...

10:02- To answer the question by AwfulAnnouncing below, it's happened at least once, including Derek lowe's no hitter. He gave up one walk, who was doubled off... I think its happened a few other times as well...

10:07- This has really turned into the Liriano show now. Joe Morgan is giving him a verbal blow-job that could teach Jenna Jameson something... And I don't wanna say Craig Biggio is old, but his first hit-by-pitch was from Old Hoss Radbourn...

10:16- My buddy Carl just called me and brought up an interesting point. Kerry Wood struck out 20 batters the first time he faced the Astros. This may not bode well for Liriano... Lets hope he never plays for Dusty Baker... Carl also informed me that Alexi Lalas was on "The Colbert Report" last night. What, was Julie Fowdy already booked???

10:19- Justin Morneau is now a triple away from the cycle...

10:25- You know the Orioles are bad when Miguel Cabrera stretches to get a hit during an intentional walk... That may be the best in game update ever... Wow, you know I'm tired when I accidentally type Orlando Cabrera...

10:28- Jason Lane just made this interesting... 4-2 Twins in the 8th... I gotta smoke...

10:38- Oh happy day... Lew Ford is pinch hitting... Thats gotta be one of the best names in baseball...

10:40- Great graphic on the Liriano-Nathan trade... So technically I can credit A.J. Pierzynski and the Giants GM with this win if they hold on... And we all know how "The Baggie" feels about A.J....

10:50- Joe Nathan looks really good tonight... One out away from the win...

10:53- Nathan gets the last Astro, and I'm officially out of gas. I'll take the 4-2 win, especially with Liriano's performance tonight. If you read this whole thing, thanks for looking. Big love to AwfulAnnouncing, Shugs, and Bdoc for the comments all night...

Peace my People...