Monday, August 07, 2006

Athletes and Tasers: Fun for the Whole Family

When not enamored with this blog, sports, music, or downloading copious amounts of adult material, we are what some in this world would call "employed". It's an interesting idea really. We exchange 8 hours of our life every day for monetary compensation which can later be exchanged for goods and services, or massages with happy endings, but that's another blog unto itself.

While spending today attempting to avoid actually working while collecting said money, we uncovered a most humorous of coincidences. A lot of athletes seem to be involved with tasers lately, and not just professional ones. Here is a list that we've managed to compile

Dale Davis- After refusing to leave a hotel, Dale decided it would be a wise idea to shout profanity at the officers that showed up to escort him out. It was that intelligent thought process that helped Davis become well acquainted with the business end of a Miami-Dade issued police Taser last week...

Matthias Askew- Starting out with a parking violation and ending up with the taser is like leaving home for your Great-Grandmothers 100th birthday party at the church and winding up at the S&M convention down at the Holiday Inn instead. Apparently the Bengals know not of this parking meter you speak of...

Ellis T. Jones III- You would assume that someone with roman numerals at the end of his name would posess some sort of morale fiber, but apparently not. He may be the only guy on this list that was operating the taser, but in this San Jose State football player's defense, the skyrocketing costs of admission may have forced him to... Oh, wait... He was on a full ride? Dumbass...

DeMyron Martin- This SMU running back claims he's innocent, but the police say he was "excessively resisting arrest". As opposed to minimally resisting arrest??

A.J. Nicholson- This one is admittedly a little old, but there's nothing old about a Florida State player catching some electricity for hiding from the police in some bushes and not doing what they said. Our guess is that Bobby Bowden made him a starter soon after he posted bail...

Unnamed 14 Year Old In Oklahoma- Supposedly this kid ran into the taser when the cop was doing something called a "spark test", but that sounds eerily similar to the old "I was cleaning it and it just went off" defense. Our guess is the guy had a nasty gambling habit and lost a C-note because the kid was autistic and made like 4 three pointers in the last 5 minutes, thereby assuring that the spread wouldn't be covered. But how to get even? Boom!! Taser. But that's just our guess...


Update: This article from CBS Sportsline may be one of the best things you'll ever read on this subject. Thanks to Deadspin Comment Shrubber for the link.

2 Comments:

At 1:07 PM, Blogger Mini Me said...

I am an SMU fan and from the Dallas area. When I heard about what happened to Martin I got so confused and upset. Let's taser them cops back!!!!!!!!!!

 
At 12:49 PM, Blogger Greg said...

does maurice clarett count now even though he was unaffected by the tazer?

 

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